Moms Talk: Ask Allie

Welcome to our new format for Moms Talk, the weekly column that lets moms (and dads) sound off on topics that affect them. In the past, local moms chose one question to post each week. Now, Moms Talk has its own columnist, local resident and author Alison Bell, who will respond to a few reader-submitted questions each week. Feel free to add your own advice in the comments, and email Alison at ABell61655@aol.com to have your own questions answered!

Dear Allie:  My 16-year-old daughter gets almost no sleep!  She stays up until midnight or 1 a.m. doing her homework, reading, or checking Facebook, and then has to be up at 6: 30 the next morning.  I keep telling her to go to bed, but she doesn’t listen.  What can I do to get her to go to bed at a decent hour? –Sleepless Mom about Her Sleepless Daughter

Dear Sleepless:  I am not sure there is anything you can do.  Teens’ biological clocks shift and they naturally start to stay up later.  They simply aren’t tired at 10 p.m. like they used to be when they were younger. In addition, if your daughter is busy in the afternoon with a sport or other activity, the evenings are the only time in her day to catch up on homework and on-line socializing (which is an important part of teens' lives), which pushes back her bedtime.

You could ban the computer after a certain hour, but that may be hard to monitor.  Plus this rule could cause problems if she has a paper or assignment due one night and needs it. (If she also talks on the phone late at night, you could take away her phone each evening at, let’s say, 11 p.m.  This sounds more do-able, but again, it might be difficult to consistently enforce.)  Perhaps the best you can do is help set the stage for sleep.  Set an early curfew on weekdays, encourage her to finish her homework sooner than later, and make sure the house is quiet after 10 or 11 p.m.    

Dear Allie: Last week, something happened in my child’s second-grade class that bugged me. It’s not a huge deal, but I think it needs to be addressed. I’m ready to make an appointment to talk to the principal about it.  My husband says I should talk to the teacher first, but honestly, I don’t feel like getting into a confrontation with her. Who do you think I should talk to? – Not Sure How to Proceed

Dear Not Sure:  Talk to the teacher. I am sure that if you handle the conversation in a calm, sensitive manner you can avoid a confrontation. It also helps to go into the meeting assuming the best, and not the worst, of the teacher.  Hopefully once you two talk, you can quickly resolve the problem.  If not, this is the time to take the matter up the school food chain and talk to the principal.

Dear Allie:  The other night I met a woman who went on and on about how great her children were. I got so sick of it that I down-talked my own children, even though they’re very accomplished.  I was just tired of the whole bragging game!  Now I feel bad and like I betrayed them.  Would a good mom have bragged back?-- Modest Mom

Dear Modest:  Not necessarily. I don’t see the point in trying to one-up a parent who is on a “my child is fabulous” roll. It’s too exhausting and pointless. That said, I see how you’re feeling bad that you gave your own kids the short shrift. Next time you’re around such a Gushing Mom, try coming up with a stock phrase or two, such as “that’s fantastic,”  or “how wonderful that your children are so talented”  that you can repeat mindlessly until you make your escape.