Changing Your Child’s Sleep Routine

My friend, Nika recently asked me a question: "My three-year-old daughter, Lisa, goes to sleep relatively easy, but I have to lie down next to her until she falls asleep. It used to be okay with me, but now I would like to change that. What do I do? I want to make sure it will be a positive experience in her life and change  that in a respectful way."

I wrote a few tips for Nika.  You might want to consider them before you embark on making a change in your child’s life, they are:
1.        It's really  important to make up your mind that you are going to change the routine and accept that it is good for you and your child. It is good for your child because she is learning how to sleep independently, and she is learning how to soothe herself.
2.         Spend quality time during the day in your child’s room:  playing together with your child, reading,  just sitting and watching your child play.
3.         Changes should not be introduced at a time when you are traveling. Instead, the situation in the house should be stable and peaceful for the most part.
4.         Get a soft and comfortable toy to sleep with. It could be a new friend or an old toy that you child really likes.
5.         Create a sleep routine. For example: closing windows, putting dolls to sleep, reading goodnight stories, three kisses on the cheeks and one blown kiss,  etc.
6.         Be sure to tell your child about the upcoming changes. This can be done the same day before you try the new routine. The explanation should be simple and short.  : "I know that you are used to sleeping when I lie down next to you. It’s time to learn to fall asleep by yourself. I still will put you to bed and read a story, and then I will lie down with you for a little bit. After that, I will go clean up in the kitchen. "
7.         Help the child to process. During the day this scenario can be played out with a doll. Put the doll to sleep in this new way, modeling what will happen with your child. You can create your own book: "The book is about how your child went to sleep."
8.         The first day of the change, you can stay close a little longer until your daughter is almost asleep, but not fully asleep. *It will be beneficial for your child to have a memory of mom leaving rather to wake up and be alarmed that mom is not beside the child.
9.         Many children like to hold their mother's hand as she puts them to sleep. It is better to change this habit. When a child holds your hand she monitors your presence and when mom tries to pull her hand gently away often causes the child to protest. Instead, when the child wants to hold your hand, gently pat her on the back or stroke her forehead.
10.       Patting, stroking, and singing a song are better not to do too steadily; change the rhythm sometimes.  Then the child will not be anticipating when you will stop. The anticipation may cause anxiety.

11.       The last movement should be more pronounced, as it signals that you have finished putting  her to sleep and ready to depart. After all you are not trying to sneak out.
12.       There is a high probability that the first few days your child will get up and follow you to the kitchen or call you. Be prepared for this.  Gently take her into her room and place her back to sleep.   * Mark on the calendar the first day of the new routine. And prepare yourself for the fact that the generation of a new habit takes at least 21 days.
13.       Show empathy, by touching, hugging, holding and using an understanding tone of voice, but don't use this time to reason with your child, you want to keep the talking at minimum, you can acknowledge by saying: “I see you wish I can sleep with you …”

14.       When you notice even slight changes in the routine recognize them: "I have noticed that today, after we read the story and I lied with you, you did not get up and follow me into the kitchen."
15.       Try to stay calm and not show that you are expecting to hear her cry and be anxious about it.
16.       You might want to talk about it the next day: “Lisa, Mommy is helping you learn to fall asleep by yourself. I am nearby if you need me, I will always come.”
This method will help your daughter slowly adjust to this new routine, create new routines, and discover self-soothing techniques.


Cheers, Teacher Kira

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